The Pharisee or the Tax Collector?

Something struck me last night, reading the verse from Luke 18: 9-14, the parable about the Tax Collector and the Pharisee. 
"To some who were confident of their own righteousness and looked down on everyone else, Jesus told this parable:  “Two men went up to the temple to pray, one a Pharisee and the other a tax collector.  The Pharisee stood by himself and prayed: ‘God, I thank you that I am not like other people—robbers, evildoers, adulterers—or even like this tax collector.  I fast twice a week and give a tenth of all I get.’
    “But the tax collector stood at a distance. He would not even look up to heaven, but beat his breast and said, ‘God, have mercy on me, a sinner.’
    “I tell you that this man, rather than the other, went home justified before God. For all those who exalt themselves will be humbled, and those who humble themselves will be exalted.”

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It stands to reason that we all have egos from time to time and sometimes let them take control, because we want to be the one's in control and seem like the better person for an incident that may have occurred.  That being said, where exactly does that put us if we were to be like that standing in front of God on judgment day?

We shouldn't be the one's being the high and mighty and lording it over others.  We should search deep within ourselves and realize that we too are human, and though we may feel like it is us that should be in "the right," there is only one person who has the right to be Right.  and that.  IS. God.

I will admit that this has been and will always continue to be a daily struggle with me, because so many times things that happen to me, I want to have the world take my side.  NO. NO. NO.  That should not be happening.  If there is anything that God has taught me, is that only through Him is anything possible.

Last night at Bible Study, (which incidentally was on the Pharise and Tax Collector, I felt God stirring in me, reminding me that so many times when I had felt wronged and wanted vengeance, that I was not only hurting myself, but that I was hurting Him, because I was rejecting God's forgiveness.

We can't let ourselves be the bigger person in anything.  We need to submit to God, all things, whether it be our personalities or our relationships.  He is the one in control.  He is the one who is.

nothing fades away, the future comes forward

about a week or so ago, I wrote this status:
"Just as God said in Genesis when a man marries, he leaves his family and is cleaved to a new life, so too must we turn from our past and what it represents and face a future that holds more for us then the past. No longer are we held back by what happened, but we gain a foothold for what will happen. God is good, and... after having that conversation with Him this weekend, I'm truly ready for what lies ahead."

Well, God and I have had more conversations of recent, and I love what He's showing me.  I know now where I'm supposed to be, well at least for the present, the future is still in the making, and it's all dependent how I choose to live with what God's blessing with me.  Also I've had Celine Dion's "Fade Away" running in my head.

I learned from the past Not everything lasts I understand that now

Everything changed When you walked away But I'll survive somehow

Though I have regrets I'll learn to forget And just keep movin' on

'Cause when love is gone You have to be strong

Once touched by pain You're not the same But time can heal your Heart again So let the clouds That bring you down Just fade away Away So I try to smile But after a while The memories come back

But I won't give in 'Cause I know that then My heart will fade to black

And this time I learned That love can burn It's an all consuming flame

There's no right or wrong I've gotta be strong

Once touched by pain You're not the same But time can heal your Heart again So let the clouds That bring you down Just fade away

I know that one day I'll find it Feeling again But until I do I'm doin' Fine by myself

Once touched by pain You're not the same But time can heal your Heart again So let the clouds That bring you down

Once touched by pain You're not the same But time can heal your Heart again So let the clouds That bring you down

So let the clouds That bring you down Just fade away.

__________________
I love this song, because it's so true, as the last part says, "so let the clouds that bring you down fade away."  We shouldn't let actions in our past affect our futures.  We shouldn't let how we've lived burn in us, otherwise we risk turning our hearts towards darkness because of the Devil trying to convict us of our sins.

In part, this song reminds me and I hope that others of you who listen to it, understand what says, that all in all, let your past go, and look towards a brighter cloudless future, a future which can be believed in.

At this point right now, God is showing me that Oregon is my future, that I am to establish myself here.  I don't know what all that entails, but I've trusted Him this far, and it got me Costco, as well as wonderful friends who have a wonderfully honest walk with God, who I don't know where I'd be with out them.   God and I have also been talking a lot about my past, especially my friendships, and I've realized that there are a lot of superficial friendships that I have in my past that have not amounted to much, that those in part were what held me back in some way, because in part I was too attached to my past.

For a long time, I wasn't ready to embrace a future, I wanted the past back, I wanted it easy.  I think in part this is because of my relationship (or lack there of) with my dad after finding out about his betrayal of our family.  Needless to say, I've been told that there is a difference between the me of today and the me of a year ago.  I think it's in part because I just asked God for help, as well as trying to concentrate on letting the past affect me so much.

Jeremiah 29:11-13: "For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. 12 Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. 13 You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart."

This verse keeps popping up in my head, sort of like God gently reminding me of His love and His plans for me.  Also, it's because the past is the past, and if we keep on letting it affect us, then we really will become black in our hearts and turn from the one thing that means the most to us all: God's undying, eternal and unfailing love.  I believe that for many of us, that we continue to hold on, because like it was for me, the past is easy and full of memories, memories of which if we let go, will make us feel normal, and not as special as we once were.  That's why for so many of us, being stuck in reverse will be with us our whole entire lives; the job we take, the person we marry, the place we live, etc, etc, etc.  Do we choose the past's rut or the future's untraveled valleys.

like Frost's poem says:

"TWO roads diverged in a yellow wood,
And sorry I could not travel both
And be one traveler, long I stood
And looked down one as far as I could
To where it bent in the undergrowth;        

Then took the other, as just as fair,
And having perhaps the better claim,
Because it was grassy and wanted wear;
Though as for that the passing there
Had worn them really about the same,        

And both that morning equally lay
In leaves no step had trodden black.
Oh, I kept the first for another day!
Yet knowing how way leads on to way,
I doubted if I should ever come back.        

I shall be telling this with a sigh
Somewhere ages and ages hence:
Two roads diverged in a wood, and I—
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference."
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What road will we take, will we take the road that has always been taken, which if you look at it, represents everything, the past, the road that we know is there, the easy, always traveled, always known, nothing wrong part of our lives that become monotonous.  Or will we  take the road that is less traveled, that still looks pristine and new, that has more of a nature-esque feel to it.  a road that leads to redemption, God, the future, and an unadulterated move towards the future?

The question that you want to ask yourself is if you take the unknown, the future, God's hand, the choice of the crossroads, whatever you call it.  Will you give up that part of you that is the past, that holds on to it, in hopes of the past's redemption?  Will you choose to forget what was, and instead learn what is and what will be?  Because there is only one answer, and the answer is Life, Light, Truth, Forgiveness, Redemption, Eternal Life, Eternal Worship, Eternity.  That is what lies ahead.  The way behind is Darkness, Sadness, Deceit, Hurt, Anger, Death, Nothingness.  We are offered so much that in the course of human history, we can never grasp it because we look back too much, we keep seeing our shadow as it falls behind.  The shadows of the past no longer will haunt us if we choose Life.

I know that for me, giving up my past is the hardest thing, but at the same time it's what's needed.  people, places, things, and much more I will give up.  Too much in my past has been dictated by people and things and so much more that should not have dictated it.  I've been broken so many times that I was never sure I had a future.  But God kept at me, until I finally understood.  God's love is all we need.  God's love is your future.

I leave you tonight with this.  What makes you who you are?  Is it your past, which dictates who you are?  Or.  OR.  OR!  Is it your future, and your walk with God that dictates what you will do and how you will choose to live with what He has given you?

Waiting is worth it.

So today was one of those days that makes me happy that I'm doing something with my life.

I applied at Costco back in May, originally back at the Seattle/Tacoma area Costco, and then on a whim in July at the Tigard one.  I then about a week or so after applying at Tigard had an interview with the Vice President of International Sales who works out of Seattle.  That went smoothly, and pretty much he liked me enough to say that he could see me being hired by them.  I then asked about working for Tigard since I go to school down there, and he said he'd get back to me after checking.  Well two weeks before the beginning of school in August, I got a call for an interview.  The phone call as I later learned was a preliminary interview to see if I was still interested and for them to get a "feel" for me.  that went well, so that Wednesday I was scheduled for an interview, going down on Tuesday night to be ready.  My interview on Wednesday went well, the two people I met with said that they had a few more that day, and a few more the next day, so it'd be a week or so before I heard from anyone.

Well, imagine my surprise when the following morning, after barely being home for 8 hours, I get a call asking me to come in the next day for an interview with the Tigard manager.  So I packed my clothes and drove down again, barely having been home.  That interview goes well, and so I head back home.  A week later I get a call from the manager himself, informing me that they can't hire me for September, but if I'm still interested I should check in at the end of September for October.

so the last week of September I do that, and after speaking to the manager, he tells me that they'll have someone call me within the next two weeks for an interview.  That was two weeks ago, so yesterday (Friday the 16th) I call the manager again and ask what's going on.  He apologizes as the person who was supposed to call me was sick.  He then goes on to tell me that I'm not coming in for an interview as I've already had those, and that I was merely going to come in for preliminary things, and that he would have someone call me sometime soon for when I needed to come in.

So, I figured it would either be Friday or Monday that I'd get a call.  This morning (the 17th) I got a call from an administrator asking if I was still interested, when I indicated yes, the woman asked me to come in on Tuesday for drug testing.

So Tuesday will be coming shortly and I'll have the tests, and then probably around the first week of November I will start.  Right now I'm only being hired for seasonal, but I'm hoping to work full time once I graduate and stay in the Tigard/Newberg/McMinnville area.

I'm just glad that I listened to my heart and God and trusted in him with my patience.  That's the one thing I have an issue with is patience, and I'm starting to learn to use it better. 

Thoughts

As unoriginal as a blog title as Thoughts may be, I like it.

anyhow.

I was walking tonight across campus while staring up at the stars.  I love walking at night, under the stars.  about as much as I love running at night under the stars.  It gives me time for quiet contemplation and just a reminder about how small we are compared to all the other works out there, that exist and it gave me pause to just revel and remind myself of how beautiful the universe is. 

--Ninja